Lard Causes Ulcers

15 March, 2007

The “tub of lard” leader of the political party that wishes New Zealand to return to the same cannabalistic stone-age culture that Captain Cook found the Maori in, Tariana Turia, proves just what a racist shit-bag she is recently, when her and the bunch of nuts in her party called for limits on immigration from Western countries, accusing the Government of trying to stop the “browning of New Zealand”.


Tub of Lard                                     Turia



Notes to tub of lard:

  • Every time you refer to “our people” as being distinct from New Zealanders, you’re being a racist shit-bag.
  • Mentioning colour in your comments shows you most definitely are a racist shit-bag.
  • The criminals in this country are almost exclusively Maori, so people may be forgiven for thinking that the de-browning of NZ would be a good thing.
  • However, most poeple also realise that if you bring up a Maori in a decent household, he’ll be a decent bloke: it’s your racist, sexist, criminal, stone-age, exclusive, violent, un-self-controlled “culture” that breeds criminals. Look to that before you look anywhere else.

I happened to be on the same aeroplane as the tub of lard last week, and I almost thought it worthwhile to pull out my mobile phone and make a call during the flight, so as to “interfere with the navigation instruments on the craft”, thereby causing it to plumment from the sky in a molten fireball, simply to rid the world of the tub of lard. But then I couldn’t be bothered and ate my Air New Zealand biscuit like a good little passenger.

Note to self:

  • Stop paying attention to New Zealand news stories that feature politics, or you’ll give yourself an ulcer.

Now Both Sides of the Tasman are Whinging Soft-Cocks.

28 February, 2007

Is there anywhere left in the world where politically correct bullshit hasn’t raped the good folks of that country of any vestige of humour they might have had, under the guise of it potentially offending someone?
Check your local laws. I don’t believe any country yet has the given people the right to not be offended. Though Flying Spaghetti Monster (I hope that wasn’t taking His name in vain…?) knows it won’t be long before we’ll probably see it.
But at least we’re not alone. Yes, us New Zealanders thought that a billboard of this ad:

Hawkinsadban Thumbnail

might offend someone – women, rhinoceroses, or horny people – who knows? But the potential was there, by crikey. So it was banned.

It wasn’t the fact that there was a half naked women with meter-wider tits looming over Auckland airport punters, no. Ads like those are everywhere. It was the temerity of the advertisers to suggest the attractive women might have some vague connection to do with horny sex. Outrageous!

And how the Aussies laughed. But now their tepid whingers have come out, gasping in horror that is this Hyundai ad:

There were 80 complainants, and countless other pillocks who bothered to write letters to the editors of daily papers, screaming to the skies above, that their beloved results of groinal slappage and seminal outpourings (or “little brats” to you and me) had seen the ad and then tried to drive off in the family car. Or at least the pillock had a dream that that happened. They have trouble differentiating reality from fantasy, and therefore believe everyone else is the same, especially the darling kiddie-winkles, Flying Spaghetti Monster bless ’em.
And so they banned it. Meanwhile, we voted it our favourite ad.

New Zealand, Australia… you’re a bunch of arse.

The Seven Warning Signs of Bogus Science

5 November, 2006

Old article, but still worthwhile.

The one that the “health” food nutters use is number 5:

5. The discoverer says a belief is credible because it has endured for centuries. There is a persistent myth that hundreds or even thousands of years ago, long before anyone knew that blood circulates throughout the body, or that germs cause disease, our ancestors possessed miraculous remedies that modern science cannot understand. Much of what is termed “alternative medicine” is part of that myth.

Ancient folk wisdom, rediscovered or repackaged, is unlikely to match the output of modern scientific laboratories.

Flogging off a random plant that was allegedly eaten for “health benefits” by a stone-age culture to ignorant dupes is exactly the sort of fraudulent crap that places like Blackmores do.

When I become leader of New Zealand and rename it Meromotopia, the first thing that I’ll do will be to require all these crappy products that don’t work to have a large warning that takes up the same proportion of the packet as the anti-smoking propaganda cigarettes are forced to have on them, that says:


Health claims made

by this product are for

entertainment puposes only.


Frozen Excel Art

23 August, 2006

One of the more interesting quirks of Windows is how an application that has hung or frozen often ceases refreshing the screen, so that if you move that particular Window, you get an alarming spasmodic splash of partial toolbars, text, and whatever other information happened to be on your now sadly lost work.

It’s probably a little more visually exciting than the spinning beachball of death, but certainly causes more stomach ulcers.

As I said, moving the window gives you this random sort of updating as the Windows struggles to do something with the locked-up app. And since there’s nothing else you can do except wait and hope it sorts itself out, I find myself making pretty patterns by swooshing the window around my desktop. And so, I present my first iinstallation of what is sure to be an avant garde new medium: Frozen Excel Art!

Should I charge for this…? 😉


Update: I’ve taken down the pics for now: trying to do any sort of photo editing on a locked down Windows piece of crap at work is impossible, and WordPress only reduced the physical dimensions of them when I uploaded, it didn’t reduce the size (i.e. in kilobytes). So they were massive. My apologies to those on dial-up.

Will get on a proper computer later on, and put up smaller versions of my artistic brilliance…

Another Reason I Don’t Use Microsoft Products

10 August, 2006

Nine years, and up to version 6.0.2900.2180.xpsp_sp2_gdr.050301-, whatever the hell that means, and still Internet Explorer is utter utter crap. I’m not even talking about security and suchlike,but purely from a user’s point of view. Look at the bizarrely worded dialogue box it throws at me when I drag an image from a web page to the desktop:


Do I want to move OR copy?

Um, OK, I want to copy.

My options: Yes and No.


New Zealanders Just as Ignorant and Gullible as Americans Shock.

13 July, 2006

How embarrassing – I just found out that New Zealand’s most populous city was the 2005 recipient of a Pigasus Award. This is an annual tongue-in-cheek honour awarded by noted skeptic James Randi. The awards seek to expose parapsychological frauds that Randi has noted over the previous year. Randi usually makes his announcements of the awards from the previous year on April 1.

 There are four categories:

1. To the Scientist who said or did the silliest thing relating to parapsychology in the preceding twelve months.
2. To the Funding Organization that supports the most useless parapsychological study during the year.

3. To the Media outlet that reported as fact the most outrageous paranormal claim.
4. To the “Psychic” performer who fools the greatest number of people with the least effort in that twelve-month period.

The City Council of Auckland received the award under the Funding category, for a $2500 grant to the Foundation For Spiritualist Mediums “to teach people to communicate with the dead”.

What’s next, people start believing that acupuncture and homeopathy work?

Crap in the Email Details. Part 2

19 June, 2006

Time for another shot of the utter craptisity of Lotus Notes, as used in my workplace.

Situation: writing an email (or "memo" in Notes parlance). You decide to close the window you're working in. A normal program would give you a dialogue warning box with perhaps three choices: OK to delete the email you're closing, Cancel the action of closing the email, or Save the email you've been working on in your drafts folder. Lotus?



You have to read every single one of those buttons every single time you get this freaking thing because they are completely meaningless and arse-backwards.

First, read the message again: "Choose Cancel to continue editing". Cancel to continue? This has got to be a wind-up.

Next: why oh why is there a Send Only button? You don't need a send button at all – because you've chosen to close this email! If you accidentally closed it, well then, just press Cancel to prevent the close, and then carry on your happy way. And what does Send Only mean? Send it, but don't do some other unspecified thing?

And how does Send & Save differ from Send Only? Send Only will send the email, and put a copy of the email in your Sent Items folder, while Send & Save willl… send the email, put a copy in your sent items folder and a copy in your drafts, maybe? Who knows.

Crap like this means this software is broken.